February 21st, 2012 
Botts ANNAPOLIS — Getting out of an abusive relationship is complicated enough, but for thousands of teenagers throughout the country, getting out of an unhealthy partnership can be further complicated by seeing their boyfriend or girlfriend for up to eight hours a day at school.
Even when teens want to escape a verbally or physically abusive relationship by telling an adult or counselor, they face the question of whether they will have to leave their school and friends behind.
While schools have work to address teen dating violence, an underreported and often unrecognized crime, the issue is not often incorporated into school handbooks or policies. But that could begin to change as dating violence has become the focus of dozens of organizations throughout the United States and begun to work its way onto the agenda of state lawmakers.
“It is trending and it is something that definitely needs to be looked at by departments of education all over the country, and it needs to be addressed in schools because that’s where you are going to have people reporting it,” said Mai Fernandez, executive director of the National Center for Victims of Crime. “A lot of times what we try to do with teen dating violence is train young people because teens are going to go to a friend before they go to an adult.”
Advocates and elected officials throughout Maryland have begun to notice the holes in protection for teens who experience dating violence, and recently introduced legislation that would require all schools to watch for, report and offer help to anyone who experiences dating violence.
“The issue is the fact that teen dating violence is becoming common,” said Sen. Richard Colburn, R-37-Dorchester, who is co-sponsoring the Senate bill. “If the bill passes, it would help break the dating violence cycle for both the abused and the abuser.”
Among the changes, the law could raise awareness that dating violence is common across all racial, ethnic, religious and socioeconomic lines, and require the Maryland state Board of Education to develop a model policy on how to address dating violence and change some of the legal rights of victims. The legislation also recognizes that texting, email, social media and cellphones are likely mediums for those who are abusing.
Even though many schools don’t ignore dating violence when they see it, teachers, school officials and parents often aren’t aware of how widespread teen dating violence is.
According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, one in five teens in a serious relationship reports being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
While at all ages someone experiencing violence from a partner is unlikely to speak out, teens are a particularly complex group who often are reluctant to talk to adults or even friends.
Andy Turner, safe schools coordinator for the Wicomico County public school system, said dating violence is something the school system has begun to addresses as part of its anti-bullying policies, but he added that instances of dating violence are rarely reported.
“It’s not necessarily that we are not experiencing it, it’s that we are not seeing it,” explained Turner. “Between the ages of 13 and 18, those kids basically try to handle situations themselves, and it’s only when it becomes extreme do they look for the adult intervention. It’s not that the help isn’t there, it’s that at that age they are very reluctant to put their personal business out to adults.”
Prevention
While victims of domestic violence live with the constant fear and intimidation of their abuser in their own home, victims of dating violence deal with abuse and intimidation they also cannot escape because they are required to go to school.
Leigh Ward-Baker, a child therapist at the Salisbury Life Crisis Center, works with teenagers who have experienced dating violence and said she sees cases of dating violence on a daily basis.
“With teens, what we are seeing is a lot of verbal abuse that is being minimized because teenagers don’t see the signs and they don’t see the red flags, so they believe this is simply how a relationship works,” Ward-Baker said. “I think we need to do a lot more … if we had more education within the health classes for high schoolers and even middle schoolers they would have a path of communication.”
While legislation and reporting requirements are “a step in the right direction” according to Fernandez, and will boost recognizing of the depth and breath of dating violence, getting teens to talk about dating violence may need a nontraditional approach.
The blog “Love is Respect,” run by the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, seeks to root out and prevent dating abuse among teens and tweens.
To offer help in ways teenagers will be more likely to use, the organization has tailored how it communicates to include blogging, texting and online chatting.
The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline allows teens who are concerned about the direction of their relationships to call in and speak with an advocate anonymously, but also gives teens the option to text “loveis” to 77054 and begin texting their questions to an advocate, live chat online with an advocate or watch a YouTube video featuring the counselors with whom they could talk. According to one of the counselors featured in a video, teens experience more dating abuse than adults.
There are also several Facebook pages run by organizations throughout the country dedicated to raising awareness about teen dating and breaking the cycle of abuse.
Even though the proposed law and advocacy work has aided in the struggle against teen dating violence there are still issues faced by those who experience it first hand.
In many states — including Delaware, Maryland and Virginia — teenagers or anyone in a dating relationship face roadblocks when seeking protective orders from dating partners.
“Parents, in partnership with our schools, are essential in helping to prepare their teens for setting appropriate boundaries which lead to mutually respectful relationships,” said Barbara Witherow, public information officer for Worcester County public schools. “In addition, both parents and educators are key to providing our youth with a support system that enables them to keep the lines of communication open. Together, we can help keep our children safe.”
jshutt@dmg.gannett.com
410-845-4643
Article source: http://www.delmarvanow.com/article/20120221/NEWS01/202210368/1002/rss
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